Our First Days in Houston

I've been wanting to update everyone for a while — but it has been JUST CRAZYTOWN over here.

First of all, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has been helping us out. We’ve had friends and family step in and help us handle our almost-finished flip house in OKC, OUR house which we are now renting here in Midland, as well as a friend providing almost all the furniture we will need in Houston. A couple weeks ago, my sisters and mom threw me a surprise baby shower, and we got several Target and Amazon gift cards and all the new baby goodies we are going to need for the apartment. We’ve also gotten tons of encouraging notes in the mail, and a gift of a year long membership to the Children’s Museum here. All this to say, we are being well taken care of and loved on :) Derek’s parents have our dog, and my parents will soon have our kids for 3 weeks.

I get a lot of questions about our plans. Here is what we have done or have planned so far:

March 5th: Renters moved into our Midland House. We’ve gotten it cleaned out, made some minor repairs, furnished it, and conquered the very long process of changing our address on all of our accounts so that the renters don’t get loads of our mail. We’ve had some pretty big hiccups already, but they are in now, and we have friends who will be doing the managing of it which is a MAJOR blessing! Also, our flip house in Oklahoma is finally done, so finishing touches are being managed by Derek’s dad, and we’ll soon have it on the market! 

March 7th: Derek and I packed up the van and drove to Houston. Kiddos stayed with Mom and Dad for a couple days.

March 8th: Derek and I moved into our apartment, and furniture arrived. TONS of helpers from church — THANK YOU ALL!

March 9th: Unpacking and free Groceries, thanks to some extremely kind friends from Atlanta!

March 10th: Kiddos came to US for Spring Break!!

March 13th (today): Had an Ultrasound and NST — everything still looking the same. Sunley’s whole body is PERFECT, aside from her heart. This is pretty incredible when you think about how much of the body the heart affects!

March 17th: Kids go to Mom and Dad’s until April 6th. Hadelyn has a program on April 5th and 6th, and until then, I have tons of doctors visits and things to do before the due date. Hoping those days fly by :(

April 5th: Derek goes to Midland for Hadelyn’s school program.

April 6th: Derek and the kids come to Houston for the rest of the summer!

After April 6th, all of our plans could easily changed based on when Sunley comes, and her condition once she’s born. She is due on May 2nd, and doctors are hoping for a 40-week, vaginal delivery. Her first surgery (a pulmonary banding) will HOPEFULLy not occur until she is 1-2 weeks old. We may have to do it sooner if she’s struggling. And she SHOULD get to come home to the apartment after she recovers from the surgery. But unfortunately, those recovery times are SUPER varied for each baby. In fact, some babies stay in the hospital the whole time in between the 2 surgeries. So, the kids being with us for the whole summer will work great if she gets to come home, and not so great if her recovery ends up tricky.

Mid-August: Kids will go back to Midland to stay with my parents until we get to come HOME. Sunley’s second surgery could take place as early as August, or as late as November, so that makes it pretty impossible to plan. This is why we’ve rented the apartment until December. Of course, we want to get home as soon as we can, but from what I understand so far, the longer Sunley has to grow and develop before that 2nd surgery, the better. 

Everything so far is going pretty smoothly, but it definitely feels real now. It’s really great having our kids with us this week, and also it’s really hard to establish a new normal and a routine for the kids, when you know it’s all going to change again drastically in May (or sooner). The kids are both so much tougher than us, but I think they can tell something’s up. We haven’t had any major behavior issues or meltdowns (at least none that are out of the ordinary), but Ruger isn’t napping well in his new room, and Hadelyn keeps asking if she’s being a good helper. I’m trying to find little daily activities for them to just be little kids and not feel pressured to be on their best behavior. We were finally able to get a to a box of toys and they had a LOT of fun making messes today :) I also bought a bubble machine, but I’m saving that GOLD for a rough day.

Now that we are here and the ball is rolling, I can definitely feel things approaching, and that’s kind of hard to deal with. I just feel so removed from what’s been normal for so long, and it’s hard to even understand what I’m feeling. I’m not really sad or angry or happy — It’s like I don’t really know how to be myself yet in this new world we’re in. I’ve kind of felt like a bad friend lately because I’m struggling to keep up with everyone, but I’m just very consumed with what’s happening right now, and all of my social energy is being put into my kids and husband. I feel like every time I try and have a simple phone chat with someone, I bring down the mood simply because I don’t have much to say. So if you do call me, just set the bar low for me please ;) I’m not grumpy, just EXHAUSTED and very distracted.

On a happier (but not less stressful) note, we have discovered Ikea. We made 3 trips in 2 days before the kids arrived (because Ikea and kids, no thank you) and it was quite the experience. As I mentioned before, a friend is letting us borrow TONS of brand new furniture which saved us THOUSANDS of dollars in moving expenses, so all we needed were a few odds and ends and 2 sofas (one for the living room and a pull out sofa for the “guest room”). We all know that you have to build Ikea furniture yourself. Well did you know that you even have to build Ikea pots and pans? And Ikea pillows? And LITERALLY EVERYTHING. You probably knew that. I was an Ikea newbie. It’s been pretty entertaining. We have also discovered that Target has VERY competitive prices to Ikea, less and sometimes no assembly required. Our takeaway lesson is: For big things (like sofas), Ikea is worth it, but for anything small, Target is usually competitive (sometimes even cheaper), almost always cuter (yes, husbands, this matters), and comes at least partially assembled. Also, a minivan with all the seats stowed can haul A LOT OF CRAP. #minivanmicdrop

Another nice thing is, I REALLY LOVE HOUSTON. There’s these natural-looking, large, green, leafy structures everywhere and they’re nice to look at, and even provide shade. The restaurants are pretty awesome, and aside from Rodeo and Spring Break traffic combined, the driving hasn’t been too stressful. Ah, except I do need to figure this out: I Ubered to my doctors appointments today to save money on parking per the advice of others more experienced than I, and ended up spending the same that I would have spent to park. My Uber ride was $7 each way, and Valet parking at the Women’s Pavilion was $13. I’m new to the TCH parking and new to Uber so someone let me know if they know a secret. I don’t want to be spending that much every single day once Sunley is here. It’s only 2 miles, and I bet I could work up to walking it, but probably not before she’s out of her first round of hospital stay.

I’m also very spoiled already with the giant closets in this apartment. I may have to stay here forever. That combined with more cabinet space than I’ve ever had is making this apartment super comfortable. Alas, I only have 4 pots and pans, a cookie sheet, and like 12 dishes. The irony. I already LOVE living with less stuff (specifically, less kids’ toys. I brought all my clothes and shoes, because I’m an adult and I make the decisions). Of course I really really really miss my house, but all the conveniences here take the sting away a little bit :) Hadelyn will NOT be ready to leave here ever I predict. She can see the pool from her window, and there’s stairs AND an elevator here so I guess Houston apartment life is the dream. She also asks Derek to go work out with her in the fitness room about every 5 minutes.

We’ve gotten a pretty good routine going, which has been good. In the morning, we eat breakfast together, and then Derek goes downstairs to the lobby conference area and works while the kids and I very slowly get ready, and usually run a couple errands. He comes upstairs for lunch, then continues working again until his normal 5.30 or so. We should have WiFi in our apartment by the end of this week, so he’ll soon set up a little “office” in our bedroom. Not sure if this will work as well as him “leaving” for work (I don’t see the kids actually leaving him alone) but we’ll see. Another part of my routine, is reaching for some gadget or tool, and realizing we don't have it...like Scotch tape. It took me 3 Target trips to finally remember to get Scotch tape. Still trying to remember the ice cream scoop (priorities).

We will have a lot of adjusting to do again when our girl gets here, but for now, everything is going as good as it could go. I’ll try to be better about posting updates for anyone who’s interested! Ugh, I just realized we don’t have an iron. That will be a TARGET purchase, because I don’t want to acquire the skill of building an iron. On second thought, I've used my iron probably 3 times. I'm more of a fluff-it-up-in-the-dryer kind of girl. Peace out, iron.

And now, some photos of our latest adventures (all from my phone, so LOW bar please):

Half a Heart: Sunley's Diagnosis Process Part 2

Continued from Part 1.

After what felt like FOREVER, the cardiologist pulled out a drawing of Sunley’s heart and I immediately thought “Thank you Lord! There are 2 ventricles!” The cardiologist showed us her two working ventricles and I was so relieved. She had malposed arteries, and a small mitral valve. Then the doctor pulled out a drawing of an HLHS heart, and started talking about the Norwood, Glenn, and Fontan procedures. We couldn’t understand why she was even bothering to show us these. Derek asked, “Right but she doesn’t need these because she has two ventricles.” The doctor replied, “Well unfortunately, we can’t fix the mitral valve, so we will have to reroute the heart to operate with only her right ventricle.” We were CRUSHED. Derek asked her if the mitral valve could grow, and she said that it was very rare, and not to get our hopes up. But IF the mitral valve grew, then she would only need ONE surgery and would be cured. No lifelong condition. She called her condition Double Outlet Right Ventrical with a mitral atresia, and we left with hope that the valve would grow, just like the left ventricle did.

We prayed SO hard for that valve to grow, and I truly believed it would. We prayed that she had just seen it wrong, or that God would develop it. Two days later, I got a phone call from the cardiologist. She HAD seen it wrong. And it was much, much worse than she thought. She was very apologetic for seeing it wrong, and she explained that actually Sunley had no right ventricle, and that we should expect to outlive her, even with the 3 surgeries. There was no hope for living with two ventricles. Oh, and by the way, the mitral valve is normally-sized. I was taking it all okay until she told me about the mitral valve. I quickly got off the phone, fell on my bathroom floor and cried until I threw up. Second Pleading Mother Cry. Derek and the kids had returned from an errand while I was on the phone, and he was so confused when he saw me, and probably terrified. I told him what had happened, and asked him to call Mom and Dad to come take the kids because I knew I would not be done crying for quite a while. They rushed over of course and played with the kids (I guess?) while I finished sobbing. I was just so confused. WHY in the world did God answer my prayer and give me something WORSE? I think this was the first time in my life I’ve asked God why. This misdiagnosis was the miracle I had asked for. And it ended up being a bad thing?! My favorite part of Job is when he asks God why, and God’s response is not exactly what you’d expect. Instead of saying “Everything happens for a reason,” or “Don’t worry, I will make good things come out of it,” He says things like “And where were YOU when I created the universe?” And He goes on for a LONG time. It completely puts Job in his place, in a strangely comforting way. Job responds with “Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.” After I finally calmed down, I just said “Okay, Lord.” I got up, and went to talk to Hadelyn, who had unfortunately witnessed some of my breakdown. I think part of the giant wave of emotion was just being SO jerked around with the diagnoses, the stress and exhaustion that so much “switching gears” had done to us. The healed mitral valve that got us nowhere was just the last straw. As soon as my parents went home, I sat down at my table and frantically wrote out a list of prayers that God HAD answered, including the mitral valve, and taped it to my fridge. I think the only way to survive this is to FORCE yourself to see silver linings, even when it feels like they aren't there. Because they are ALWAYS there.

We were still extremely confused about the diagnosis, how she had mistakenly seen a right ventricle when there was not one, and decided we needed to go to Texas Children’s in Houston for a second opinion. We weren’t angry with the cardiologist at all, and honestly it’s amazing they can see anything at all on a fuzzy monitor with a heart that small. But we had pretty much already decided on Houston anyway, and this was an easy time to make the switch. I’m sure that care in Dallas would have been good too, but Houston is ranked #1 in the nation for pediatric cardiology, and they do 4 times the amounts of Glenns and Fontans that Dallas does, so we just couldn’t ignore that. We had also heard very extreme polar opposite reviews about one of the Dallas surgeons, and that made us uncomfortable. One friend of a friend was a Dallas cardiologist, and even she recommended that we go to Houston instead.

I called my doctor first thing in the morning and very urgently requested an appointment in Houston. They worked very quickly and secured an appointment for me just one week away. We started praying again for a new diagnosis, or a cure. Tuesday night, we flew to Houston (my parents paid for that, and we are so grateful! Tickets from Midland to Houston are so expensive.) and stayed in a hotel across the street from Texas Children’s. I woke up at FIVE in the morning and just couldn’t go back to sleep. We arrived at our appointment at 10, and met our cardiologist, Nancy Ayres. She was accompanied by a nurse and a fellow and the three of them went through another long echocardiogram, during which they spoke in “cardiologist code.” Unfortunately, we knew what most of it meant by now. We heard terms like “hypoplastic RV,” “Double Inlet,” and “Double Outlet.” We knew the diagnosis before it was even over. As of right now, Sunley has Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV), Double Inlet Left Ventricle (DILV), with a large Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD – Hole between the ventricles), slightly Malposed Great Arteries, and a severely Hypoplastic (underdeveloped) Right Ventricle. That last one is the biggie. Sunley basically has half of her heart. Unless that right ventricle miraculously grows, she will live her life with only one ventricle, meaning that her heart will always be working twice as hard. In fact, her right ventricle is so small that she is not even a candidate for the somewhat experimental surgeries in Boston that create two ventricles.

The good news is that if you had to pick one ventricle to have, the left is the one you want. We were told that these babies usually handle surgeries and life better than HLHS babies. Also, her aortic valve SHOULD be malformed, and the doctors are very surprised that both valves look strong and well developed, aside from some abnormal positioning. They were very encouraging, and there was no talk of outliving Sunley. In fact, Dr Ayres mentioned that she’s had some patients go on to go to college, get married, have kids, etc. This was very encouraging, even though we are well aware that things could go very differently during and after any of the surgeries.

We were also glad to learn that Sunley does NOT need the Norwood Procedure. This is the riskiest of the HLHS surgeries, and happens at just days old. Instead, she will have a pulmonary banding surgery at 1-2 weeks old if we can wait that long, followed by the Glenn at 3-4 months, and the Fontan at 3-4 years old. While it is impossible to predict what her life will look like, she could possibly have a relatively normal childhood full of sports, hiking, etc. We don’t have to “monitor” her activity or make restrictions for her – she will simply feel tired when her heart and lungs have had enough and will naturally slow down if needed, just like you and I do with normal hearts. Of course, these surgeries are some of the riskiest open heart surgeries that exist, so complications can arise, other surgeries may be needed, etc. But we are praying for speedy, eventless recoveries. Actually, that’s not entirely true; We are praying for miraculous healing before she is born.

The day after her appointment, we found a great apartment near the hospital and signed a 9-month lease. I will need to move there at 33 weeks in case I go into early labor (I did with Ruger), and so our lease is March 8 – December 8. That means 9 months away from my home, my church, my family’s events (my best friend, older sister, and sister-in-law will all have babies during this time) and of course I won’t be shooting weddings at all (expecting two friends’ weddings during this time too). That’s the down side. The up side is that we used to live in Houston so we have church family there too, we LOVE the area where the apartment is, and we have decided to rent out our house in Midland to help cover the cost of the Houston apartment (It won’t cover the whole thing, but it will help tremendously). Our dog will go to OKC to stay with my pet-loving in-laws, so she will be WELL taken care of.  We will put most of our stuff in storage or in my parents’ soon-to-be-empty rental property, and will purchase a few needed items (sofa, sofa bed, table and chairs, etc) from IKEA as cheaply as possible. Derek found out that he can work from Houston and that is a MAJOR blessing.

And that’s as far as we’ve gotten. Because of how day-to-day Sunley’s condition will be until her 2nd surgery, we can’t really make decisions yet about whether or not our kids will get to be with us. That is by far the hardest part (right now). Honestly, I can barely even talk about it. Any parent will understand that. I’ve had some other moms reach out to me, and I’m sure as they share their experiences and this process goes on, I will understand the diagnosis, surgeries, etc much better than I do now. I’m learning how to do this one day at a time. God has been so RIGHT there with me through all of this, even during the brief moments that I questioned why, and I know He will continue to comfort us and guide our decisions.

To be Continued.

Half a Heart: Sunley's Diagnosis Process Part 1

“Ok, guys, everything is looking good—I think this was a false alarm. Hmm…I am concerned about the heart.” I would love to forget that moment, but I’m pretty sure it’s etched in my brain forever.

“When I heard, my body trembled; My lips quivered at the voice; Rottenness entered my bones; and I trembled in myself…Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls—YET I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer’s feet, And He will make me walk on my high hills.” Habakkuk 3:16-19

It sounds dramatic because it was. The good thing about having some Scriptures memorized is that they come to you immediately when you need them. I should definitely have more of them hidden in my heart, but I’m thankful for this passage that I’ve especially loved for a very, very long time.

I have 2 healthy older kids, a girl and a boy, and literally NO family history or risk of anything at all. I’ve done all the carrier testing—all negative. I’ve gotten pregnant in the first month of trying with all 3, never had a miscarriage, and I don’t even have so much as allergies. I could definitely eat healthier and work out more, but I’m a relatively healthy person, as is my husband. I’ve never been one to think that bad things can’t happen to me—I know that sometimes life just happens, and I’ve never taken my healthy kiddos for granted one bit. I’ve seen people braver and stronger than me go through much worse situations, and I have always had a healthy awareness that none of us are immune to tragedy. But I never really worried about it. And now it’s my turn.

This pregnancy has been pretty much insane. In the days prior to getting my positive pregnancy test, I’d had some bleeding, which concerned me because I had never had any of that with the first two. I called my OBGYN and they had me come in for a sonogram just to check everything. When they took a look, they couldn’t find a baby. She told me that either I was just too early, or the pregnancy was ectopic. I truly didn’t panic, because hearing that I wasn’t as far along as they thought was something I’d heard with my first two. Still, of course, I prayed. One week later, they did another sono and there WAS a baby right where it was supposed to be, but they were concerned about its size. Same story: Not worried, and praying. One week later, another sono confirmed that it had grown the appropriate amount! But now my progesterone was low, so I was put on pills that made me SUPER nauseous. (The Dr assured me that the progesterone was not causing the nausea but…IT WAS.) My doctor recommended taking half of a unisom before bed every night, and that did help some. I was able to stop the progesterone at 9 weeks, and then the nausea finally stopped completely around 18/19 weeks, which is also about the time I stopped the Unisom. (BTW, I did Unisom instead of Diclegis because it’s almost identical AND much, much cheaper, and requires a lower dosage.)

The 2nd trimester is supposed to be the BEST. Usually, you feel good enough to be active, you start really showing, and you aren’t so big that it’s too uncomfortable. I felt all of those things for just a little while, until my 20 week ultrasound. My doctor said that she just wanted to “double check a few things with the liver and diaphragm” and I would need to see a high-risk (MFM). We didn’t know this at the time, but my doctor did in fact see a heart malformation, and she suspected that it was affecting the liver (Sunley’s heart defect is actually NOT affecting her liver).  Again, though we were a little more worried than with the flags before, we truly expected an all-clear from the MFM. We told our daughter that she was “finally” getting a sister and she was over-the-moon happy. We bought them matching shirts and announced her name: Sunley. One week later (December 20), was when I really started to be concerned for the first time. The sonogram took FOREVER, and of course, the sono tech wasn’t allowed to tell us good or bad things about anything that she was seeing, so we just pretty much sat there in silence, looking at a screen and wondering what she was seeing. After a long time (like an hour and half), the doctor came in and did a fairly quick re-check of everything the tech had done, and kept saying this organ looks good, the liver is fine, the diaphragm is developed normally, etc. Then the horrible, terrible 2-second roller coaster of pain: “Ok, guys, everything is looking good—I think this was a false alarm. Hmm…I am concerned about the heart.”

I looked at Derek and held up my hand and said “It’s fine, it’s gonna be fine.” As if I actually knew a single thing about hearts. But I think that’s a mom’s first reaction, even when things are definitely NOT fine: I can fix this, nobody panic, everything is FINE.

He proceeded to tell us that Sunley’s left ventricle was underdeveloped, or “hypoplastic” (I’m convinced that hypoplastic is the worst word in the English language.). He then mentioned his diagnosis, which was Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, and said that we could expect to deliver in a better hospital, specifically Dallas or Houston, and that Sunley would definitely need surgery. I think I kind of went into a weird adrenaline rush, because I wasn’t even that upset. They scheduled us for an echocardiogram for 5 weeks later, to confirm the diagnosis. We walked out of the doctor’s office thinking Sunley would need A surgery…as in ONE…and then be cured. But of course, that’s not actually what the doctor said (and he had her diagnosis wrong, anyway). I told Derek, “Babies are born with holes in their heart all the time, and sometimes it even fixes itself. I know it’s scary, but we’ll be fine.” I even went to church that night, and didn’t get on Google until I got home and put the kids to bed. Worst. Night. Ever.

*I’m going to go into Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, or HLHS, because in order to understand Sunley’s diagnosis, you do kind of need to understand HLHS treatment plans.

Google, in its infinite amount of information and terror, revealed to me that first of all, HLHS does NOT have a cure. In fact, 30 years ago, babies born with HLHS had no options for treatment, and would simply just die a couple days into their lives.  The “good news” is that now those babies are receiving treatment, which involves 3 open heart surgeries: The Norwood at a few days old, The Glenn at 4-6 months old, and The Fontan at 4-6 years old. These surgeries do not give the patient a normal 2-ventricle system, but rather allow the patient to live on a one-ventricle heart. This means that the heart will always be working twice as hard as a normal heart. All 3 of the surgeries are dangerous (duh), but the Norwood statistically has the most danger, and typically does include many terrifying complications. The survival rates are not terrible, but it’s the quality of life afterward that sounded so scary to me. Some kids do GREAT (as in they have a lot of energy, great neurodevelopment, etc), and some just don’t. And there’s really no way to know what’s ahead for each kid, because the hypoplasty can be very mild to severe, the recoveries after each surgery can cause setbacks (or not), and a million etcetera’s. In other words, Sunley could have an almost normal childhood or a terrible life full of surgeries, or somewhere in between. That’s very hard to process, and since these surgeries really haven’t been around that long, the oldest HLHS survivors are just my age—Not because they can’t live past my age, but because that’s when treatments became available. So they may live much longer, or they may not—We just don’t have the data yet to predict their lifespans.

So this was terrifying information to read. Her surgery (surgeries) would not be a one-time surgical cure, but a lifelong condition, possibly FULL of medical emergencies (Ya know, or NOT full of emergencies).

Is this hard to follow? I agree. It was a complete roller coaster. It was then I first experienced what I have dubbed the “Pleading Mother Cry.” It’s therapeutic, really, but definitely a different level of crying than I’ve ever witnessed or experienced myself (And I’m not really a “crier.”). I’ve decided that the only people who can cry that hard are parents, or probably people trying to become parents, when they start to lose hope. I’m sure there are other levels of this Mom Cry in even worse situations, but nonetheless there were bigger tears and louder sobs than would be socially appropriate outside of my house. I spent the next five weeks researching doctors, procedures, and survivors, and most of all BEGGING the Lord to restore her left ventricle. The only thing that seemed to actually help was prayer, Scripture, and stories of misdiagnosis (you know who you are – thank you!). I prayed desperately that the MFM had seen it wrong, and that my doctor had seen it wrong, or that the left ventricle would grow to normal size, or that God would at least give us a lesser heart defect. Those 5 weeks were absolute torture. I was surprised to feel a little bit guilty. I shouldn’t have taken Unisom, I should have researched the effects of progesterone pills (should I have asked for progesterone shots?), or maybe I should have continued taking the progesterone longer. I definitely could have eaten healthier, or drunk more water and less coffee. As much as I know it’s not actually my fault, those questions will always kind of be there. And they are straight from Satan, trying to discourage me, make me feel like a victim, trying to make me a bitter woman. I think as long as I can recognize when those waves come, I’ll be able to keep a positive spirit and keep my heart focused on God and what He wants to do with this.

So after those horrendous 5 weeks, it was FINALLY time for our echocardiogram. Again, a super long appointment, with us blankly staring at a blurry, black-and-white beating heart, not having a single clue what was going on. It was pretty evident early on that the heart was not normal, just based on some terms I heard them say to each other (which I had Googled), and it also seemed like the left side didn’t look so bad ( I didn’t really know what I was looking at, but I’d Googled enough to have a very vague idea). I was praying so hard throughout the whole thing. About halfway through the echo, the counselor walked in and introduced herself. PSA for all the doctors: It is NOT comforting when the counselor walks in, and then just stands there waiting for the echo to be done. I probably could have been nicer to her and made conversation, but to be honest I was pretty bummed to see her because in my mind, that meant for sure something was wrong. After the echo, the cardiologist showed us a drawing of a normal heart and started explaining how it SHOULD work. I was trying to listen, but I just kept wanting her to rip off the band-aid and tell us if she had HLHS or not. Unfortunately, she was about to give us another misdiagnosis.

Continued in Part 2.

The Liz List

I thought it might be fun to share a portion of my way-too-specific bucket list. Is it cheesy to say that I’m a dreamer? Because…I am. I spend way too much time planning in great detail events for the future that may never happen. I drive around (often) just to look at gorgeous towns or homes that I’ll never live in, and I have a running list of saved homes on Zillow that I’ll never buy. It’s slightly possible that I drive my husband nuts when I ask about that ever-elusive remodel that we’re totally gonna do someday, and I think even my kids get annoyed with my imagination from time to time—“Mommy, can you just read in a normal voice?” Alas, I’m always adding to the bucket list and coming up with things to do all over the world. These are a few of my faves. Anyone want to adopt a few of these? Be my guest!

Walk barefoot in the Faroe Islands (somebody take me there NOW!)

Bungee Jump off of the Royal Gorge Bridge

Do a climb tour over the Golden Gate Bridge

Shoot a wedding in Europe (check, this coming October!)

Build a sand castle in Fiji

Gift a polaroid camera in a 3rd world country

Bury a ring in New Zealand

Kiss under the Eiffel Tower

Order a glass of milk in a German pub

Hang one of my photographs in an art museum (check!)

Climb a tree

Sneak out of my own house for a donut run without waking anyone

Repel down Sears Tower

Carve mine and Derek’s initials in a tree (half-check. Turns out it's kind of hard.)

Bury a time capsule

Handstand in a hot air balloon

Teach my kids how to use a camera

Le'Chaim or whatever (I think it means yay for living)

Goodbye to Spelling "Oestmann"

This past weekend, the last of my three sisters got married, marking the end of our Oestmann maiden name! I am so blessed to have been able to shoot for all three of my sisters in some way during their wedding processes! And now I’m thinking I should celebrate by sharing a few favorite images! Laura’s engagement session was way back in 2009, before I even owned a nice camera. Melissa and Hallie both got married this year—I was able to shoot Hallie’s bridal session and her wedding, which was really special, and for Melissa I shot her engagement and bridal sessions. These photos will always be some of my favorites, because of who is in front of the camera :) Who knows? Maybe someday I’ll get to shoot for my nieces, nephews, and maybe even my own kids!

With joy,

Lizard.

Balancing Work and Mom Life

In case you’re new here, let me introduce myself: I’m Elizabeth, a traveling wedding photographer, wife, and momma to two kiddos. Growing up, I was interested in art, but honestly I always planned on being a stay at home mom…until college. I realized my passion for photography and ever since having my first baby in 2013, I just haven’t been able to let go of this awesome job, if you can even call it that. More accurately, being a wedding photographer who travels for 80% of my shoots is just an addiction that pays. 

Today, I’ll be preaching to myself more than anyone else, because I want to discuss finding a balance between being a wife and mother, and owning your own business. This topic is endless, and I’ve yet to perfect it — or even come close — but I’ve found these 3 tips helpful (when I actually stick to them).

1. Give yourself business hours. Sit down with your spouse, and let them have a say in when those hours will be; Hours where you can work completely uninterrupted. If you have a studio or office space, this helps. But, if you’re like me, and your growing family is busting the house at the seams, it’s especially important for your spouse to have your back and keep the kids out for just a while so you can fully focus. Also, do your best to NOT be flexible with these hours! Of course, life happens, and you will at times have to move things around, but REALLY try not to let these specified hours get away from you. For me, I’ve hired a babysitter twice a week during the day to watch the kids. This keeps me from having to stay up late on those days, and I actually get to relax after the kids’ bedtime, like a normal person. By relax, I obviously mean do laundry.

2. Do not get behind!! I’m super grumpy, and all around a horrible person if I start to feel the pressure of deadlines that I’m not meeting! As a wedding photographer, people are waiting for their photos the day after I shoot a wedding, and it can take quite a while to get through the editing process. If I start to get behind, I pull a near all-nighter editing. I don’t recommend doing this more than 2 nights in a row, BUT I’d rather have one long all-nighter than a week of staying up “pretty late.” That’s my personal preference, but I guess that may not work for everyone.

3. Have at least 2 days a week where you don’t work at all. For me, this can’t be the weekend, because most of my weddings are on Saturdays. Plus, when my husband is home all day, that’s the perfect opportunity to get in a couple hours of editing. My no-work days are usually Mondays and Fridays, although I do have to do a small bit of prepping for Saturday weddings on Fridays. By having designated no-work days, I can focus on time with my family, meal prepping, or whatever the surrounding week’s activities require.

I have to say, in case anyone is reading this and thinks I have it all figured out, I almost NEVER follow these tips perfectly. But I totally should! I think the biggest challenge about working from home is finding that balance. It can be so challenging to sit and edit when the dirty dishes are 5 feet away from you. By the same token, I would always rather work than do laundry, and it’s easy to procrastinate my “at-home duties” when my computer is just in the next room, waiting for me to get to work! But balance is always my goal, and think about what that looks like: When you’re “balancing” on anything, you probably won’t be perfectly balanced at all times! You’ll be wobbly with your arms out, struggling, and even sometimes falling…but that doesn’t mean that the balance is impossible. So when you’re struggling, keep trying, and when you fall, don’t beat yourself up. If someone offers to help, by all means, ACCEPT the help! Remember, most things that are worth doing are pretty freaking hard.

With joy,

Lizard.

Getting Started Pt 2

Being a traveling wedding photographer is the dream job, at least for me. When I tell people about my job, I get a wide variety of responses. Here are a few:

“Oh, I bet that pays well!”

“That’s a great job for a mom!”

“Oh, right. I guess every photographer has to pay their dues doing weddings for a while.”

“So people actually pay you to travel just to take pictures for their weddings?”

Each of these responses has some truth to it, and each is also WAY off. Yes, I charge in the “middle to upper” range for wedding photography. In the interest of you learning from this post, I will be very transparent: My profits are MINIMAL. I put most of my profits back into the company, to help with marketing, maintenance, website costs, classes, equipment, insurance, and a heavy ETCETERA. This makes said profits…well, not profits. Ha. Getting the dream client can be expensive. It doesn’t have to be, but marketing (the expensive kind) sure does help, of course along with good customer reviews (more on that another time). People do pay a premium price for premium service. Providing fantastic service requires a GREAT deal of time and sacrifice…and money. That’s just a fact.

Is it a great job for a mom? Yes and no. It’s great in the sense that during the week, I am home with my babies. Usually that sentence is followed by “So, I don’t miss any big moments,” but you know what? That’s not true. I miss a lot of moments because I’m trying to be a full-time SAHM and a full-time business owner. I’m often distracted from my littles (working on that), because weddings and brides and making sure my brides know how much I care is a big freaking deal. Are my babies more important? DUH. But that often gets lost in the day-to-day struggle of balance. Shall I write a separate blog post about mom balance? I think I will!

One fantastic thing I’ve been able to do in the last year is offer complimentary travel fees to most of my brides. How in the world can I do that? Yep, less profits. It’s kind of built into my price, kind of not. Basically, in 2016 I raised my prices (something every photographer should do every year or so) but instead of keeping the profits, I put it all toward a “travel budget” so that my brides would know exactly what they were paying as soon as they received my packages list—no added fees. Yay! It’s been a huge help to my strategy of marketing myself as a traveling photographer. It’s a win/win. I get to travel—WIN. My bride tells all her friends that her photographer traveled for free—WIN. Happy client, fantastic reviews. WIN/WIN.

Let me be very clear about one thing: I am in no way “paying dues” by shooting weddings! In my mind, though others may look at my job and cringe, I have arrived. And I don’t mean that to brag in any way, but just to express how much I absolutely adore what I get to do. Two of my greatest passions, travel and photography (and design makes three!), are merged into an addiction which I get paid to have! I know there are a lot of photographers out there who hate weddings and “pay their dues” just until they can earn a living off of portraits, and more power to ya! But my happy place is right here in the hustle and bustle of the wedding day and the days leading up to it. I find a rush in the “backstage passes” I get to these insane celebrations of love and mushy souls and happy tears. In the weeks and sometimes months in between my gigs, I dream of moments I may capture or new poses I could try; I read wedding blogs and try to predict upcoming wedding trends. THIS is the dream job. And if it sounds like your dream job too, well then I hope you keep coming back here to read more :)

Getting Started Pt 1

I often get texts or emails from photographers who are just starting their businesses, asking similar questions, so I just decided to write a few posts about it all! The first most common question I’m asked is, “What’s the best way to get my name out there?” 

Of course, this depends heavily on what type of photography business you plan on running. As a wedding photographer, I’ve found it helpful to advertise on The Knot when breaking into a new city. It’s definitely on the expensive side, but if you book only one wedding from your listing, you’ve most likely broken even already. I also had fantastic success at my local bridal fair. In fact, the year that I hosted a booth at the PBBA Midland Bridal Expo, I booked my full year of weddings in the first 3 weeks of January! I know lots of portrait photographers who visit high schools, mom groups, or offer tutorials for moms or seniors to get their foot in the door. In whichever way you choose to get out there, I’ve found it’s so important to have 3 main things online:

1. A strong and accessible portfolio.

    Website building doesn’t have to be expensive. Sites like Squarespace have super-simple DIY templates and how-to videos to guide you through the process. Just be sure that your entire site is well-organized, user-friendly, and works on all sorts of devices (especially phones and tablets!). Also be sure that photo files are small (so they will load quickly) and saved in SRGB color space!

      2. A personable Bio, with simple contact info.

    I think the key here is to stand out, without being too wordy. Think about asking someone close to you to describe you and your personality. And don’t forget a simple way to contact you, directly from the page!

       3. An easy-to-understand, and desirable product.

    Anyone should be able to look at your site/IG page for 3 seconds and immediately understand what you shoot, where you’re located, and what your style is. If there is any confusion at all, it’s hasta la vista. Remember, new eyes have no context for who you are or what you do, so be sure to keep it SIMPLE.

As one last note, with all of this online talk, don’t forget to physically get out there as well. Visit bridal shops in your area, get connected with other creatives, etc. One great way to do that is to join your local Rising Tide Society, or attend a workshop (I offer several every now and then!) where other creative geniuses such as yourself will be present. Be generous and kind, and friendships with mutual business benefits will blossom. And once the ball gets rolling, word of mouth will be your best friend! Promise!

Best Honeymoons for Couples Who Love Each Other

Today I’m obsessing over the HONEYMOON!! Ya know, the only reason our grooms put up with all the stress and froufrou-ness of a wedding (No, it’s not because they love us; it’s because we promise them a lavish vacation after it’s all over). Anyone who knows me knows that I am addicted to travel almost as much as I’m addicted to shooting weddings. I have a running tab on my computer of fantastic vacations, and the destinations range all over THE WORLD. I’m just listing a few today that I think should be in the running for Best of the Best in 2016. I hope you get as excited as I do looking through these! For photos and more info and ideas, visit my Honeymoon Pinterest Board!

With joy, Lizard.

1. The Faroe Islands

This is at the TOP of my bucket list once my babies are both old enough to travel this far with the hubsy and I. Grass roofs, Viking descendants, and tons of bike-able untouched earth and beachside cliffs makes this a MUST for me someday. It’s also extremely quiet and secluded, which would make it a FANTASTIC honeymoon destination for an adventurous couple. Hmm...on second thought, I may ditch the kids for this one ;)

2. The Palmer House in Chicago

Save some money on airfare and use it toward some amazing rooms at the Palmer in Chicago, IL. I stayed here last year and had a blast. If you go, be sure to take the tour—it is WAY more interesting than you ever would’ve imagined. There’s also tons to do outside of the Palmer—Chicago is full of activities, independent coffee shops, and some pretty rad architecture. Bundle up if you go near wintertime, or enjoy perfect weather in the summer!

3. Marfa, TX

Out of the box and absolutely wonderful. This is the perfect “hipster” destination for a honeymoon, especially if you love photography. This random little town is surprisingly artistic and has plenty to do (Hiking!) — you can even stay in a teepee if you wish!

4. Finland

Not your typical honeymoon destination, which in my opinion makes it PERFECT. Finland is absolutely breathtaking if you love the outdoors and/or some really cool interior design and architecture. It also has SO much to do—you name it, you can probably do it in Finland. Shopping, tours, swimming, hiking, Finland has it all. Ever heard of the Kakslauttanen Arctic Resort? Check it out (Don't worry, I don't think you have to be able to pronounce the name to stay there!)

5. Holland

Finnish people don’t slap me, but I’d say Holland is pretty similar to Finland, and is also on my for-sure bucket list of places to go! I especially need to find a giant white windmill in a field of tulips, because that’s automatically what I think of when I think of Holland. After all, Keukenhof is called the garden of Europe. Sounds like somewhere I need to see.

A Bowtie That'll Knock Your Socks Off

So this is basically the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I am totally obsessed with this copper wire bowtie that I made for my styled shoot during my Telos Workshop for professional photographers. You don’t have to love them but…you should. I’m a sucker for anything unique, and although I’m sure I’m not the first person to think of this, I hadn’t seen this done before and I was so excited to try it out! Now if I could only get the hubby to get on board and start sporting them around town (hint hint).

Supplies:

Copper wire

Wire cutters

Hot glue (optional)

Two safety pins

Step 1:

(Before beginning, understand that the more layers you do, the more “finished” the bow tie will look. You can add as many layers as you want or keep the design very skeletal and only do one or a few layers. For this project, I did just 5 layers.) Cut 10 pieces of copper wire approximately 9 inches in length. Set remaining spool of wire to the side (you will need more later.)

Step 2:

Using your fingers as anchor points, form your first triangle half-bow thingy (very technical term) and don’t quite bring the ends to a point, but instead leave some room at the end to wrap together. Try to keep them all close to the same, but a little variation in shape and size adds dimension, so feel free to play with the template a bit. Repeat this step with all 10 pieces of wire.

Step 3:

Connect all 10 pieces in the middle by wrapping the ends around each other (Try to keep any sharp ends pointing inward. If needed, VERY lightly dot with hot glue to soften, or file down). Stabilize the pieces by cutting one more piece of wire from your spool and wrapping around the center—as many times as it takes to stabilize the bow. (Fabric would also be a cool choice to add on top of the wire).

Step 4:

This could also EASILY be done with fabric, which would look much nicer. My version is pretty crude, but it got the job done. Cut one more long piece of wire to loop around the center. This will stabilize the bowtie and keep it centered on the collar. Safety pin these loops to the shirt and you’re done!  This could definitely be done in a more polished manner, but it keeps my supply list short and it’s so easy!

Step 5:

Be obsessed. Because this is the coolest EVER.

With joy, Lizard.