Thursday, March 15:

We all had a great day today, which is why I’m surprised that the last several hours have been spent pouring over medical articles that I can’t possibly understand, and news headlines about Dr Fraser, leaving me completely overwhelmed again.

The kids have about 2 days left with us, so I really wanted to make the most out of today. The weather has been BEAUTIFUL, and even though I know I need to be taking it very easy, I also wanted to take advantage of it before it gets too hot! The kids and I did a very slow and easy stroll in Hermann Park this morning. Hadelyn especially loved all the pollen bits falling from the trees (and is now reaping the benefits in sniffles), and Ruger tolerated the walk, but would have much rather been out and playing in the dirt. We came back home and Ruger had a short nap while Hadelyn and I baked cookies. Later, we dropped off some dry cleaning and happened to pass by a gorgeous park that had free bouncy houses set up, so we HAD to stop. We spent about an hour or so there, and headed home for naps. Derek got off work surprisingly early (we had all expected him to need to work late tonight), so that was great! At 5.30, we braved rush hour and met Tory Blake and James Frizzell for dinner at Catfish Station, which was DELICIOUS. They were passing through for work, and it was so great to get a chance to catch up!

Derek and I were both exhausted when we got home, but he had promised Hadelyn that the two of them could go to the fitness room before bed, so I did Ruger’s bedtime (which did NOT go smoothly) while they did their stuff. Afterwards, the kiddos finally went to sleep, Derek headed to the sofa to read, and I opened up my laptop. And there it was – Another story of a 3 year old heart warrior (and Houston patient) who passed away tonight, and her mom’s emotional facebook post. I immediately started spinning and dove in way too deeply. What was her exact diagnosis, who did her surgeries, what could have been done differently, etc., as if anything would actually answer why these things happen. Sometimes, I think I’m more afraid of what Sunley will go through than I am of actually losing her. Have I done enough research? Are we really at the right hospital? And then another Google rabbit hole.

Dr. Fraser has been the chief surgeon at TCH for a very long time. He’s pretty much a walking legend. He trained under Roger Mee (another living legend) and married Dr. Cooley’s (super famous pediatric surgeon) daughter. Dr. Fraser is from Midland and I can’t even count how many people have recommended that we find a way to get him as our surgeon. He’s also leaving Houston this month. It doesn’t actually matter – all the surgeons at TCH are amazing. But I can’t help but be a little worried – Plus, it’s just ANOTHER thing that I have NO control over. Even if I could control who does Sunley’s surgeries, it’s not like I actually know anything about who would be best for her specific case. A few months ago, I didn’t even know what a pulmonary banding surgery was. We’ve been assigned (so far, and we know it could change) to Dr. Carlos Mery, and we have heard wonderful things about him. So I can’t explain why it’s stressing me out so much that Dr. Fraser is leaving. Maybe it’s just a place to direct my stress. I don’t know.

Whatever the reason, it all became too much tonight, and tonight I’m just going to let myself be sad. I hate that this happens to anyone, and I really hate that it’s happening to us and our sweet, sweet babies. Nothing about this is easy. So tonight I’ll be sad and overwhelmingly frustrated, and I’ll pray, and tomorrow will probably be better.

Friday, March 16:

Today WAS better. I don’t have anything to update, but we had a wonderful family day (We even went back to the same park) and now the kiddos are sleeping peacefully in their beds. I spent a little extra time on bedtime tonight, since it’s our last for a little while. They will leave with my parents late tomorrow, and we’ll see them again Lord willing on April 6th. April 6th will be a good day :)