There is nothing left to do but go. Well, nearly. I’ve only just started packing, but compared to everything else, packing will be easy.

The T-shirt drive is done (thinking of opening it back up due to more interest, so let me know if you’d be interested!).

Our leaky back doors are taped up AND we have a friend who we’ve hired to house-sit for us the whole time we’re gone in case they start leaking again.

We are (pretty much) unpacked into the new house, just in time to pack for Houston.

The car is decorated for the motorcycle escort to Houston.

All of our ducks are arranged as close to a straight line as possible. All that’s left to do is go.

I’m frustrated with my own feelings, and expected to feel much more ready than I do. Maybe I’d feel differently about tackling open heart surgery number 3 if it was truly going to fix anything. But instead, I feel like we’re just (hopefully) trading low saturations for a different kind of heart disease: Fontan life. I have no idea what Fontan circulation will be like for Sunley, but of course we hope that it will be really, really good and normal for a really, really long time. And it just might.

In the meantime, Sunley’s momma and daddy will be working really hard to give her and other Fontaners better options in the future, for if and when she starts having health issues due to the circulation that this surgery creates.

Derek and I are praying for a smooth recovery, and a really good quality of life for Sunley. And we are surrounded by support. We have received countless hugs, prayer services, gift cards, babysitting, you name it. There is nothing we need that has not been provided by God’s followers everywhere. How pleased He must be with how we have been lifted. It is very difficult, and often awkward to accept help, but I’ve learned to lean into it, and God has blessed me immensely with really good and pure friendships.

Music has been a HUGE part of my grief and healing and coping and praying, always. My little sister knows this, and offered to make a playlist on Spotify of songs that remind her and me of this journey we are on with Sunley. I hope you will all listen to it during her surgery — I think it could be a really special way to flood heaven with worship and prayers on her behalf. It’s also a really great way to start your day — just saying. The link is here.

We are certainly not alone as we walk into this fire again. Still hesitant, but not because we are afraid — only because we wish we could take her place. But at this point, we’ve done all we can do for Sunley Summit. All that’s left to do is go and watch her fight. I know angels will be in the room with her.

I’ve written several songs over the last few years, and I have no plans to debut my Florence-Foster-Jenkins-very-passionate-yet-not-always-on-key- singing for anyone, but I made it a New Year’s resolution to share a few of them here this year. I’m teaching them all to my kids so at least they won’t be forgotten when I’m old and forgetful. This one I wrote last summer when Sunley’s body was very, very weak, and after reading again the story of Jairus. I wonder what it was like to leave a dying daughter behind to find Jesus. I can absolutely imagine the desperation Jairus must have felt in reaching Him in time. How frustrating and disappointing it must have been when Jesus stopped to speak with the woman who touched him in the crowd. Jairus, a ruler in the synagogue — I wonder what all he gave up to go in search of Jesus. I want so many more details from this story when I get to heaven.

Song of Jairus

I know You can heal her

I know You can hear my plea

You parted the sea

Walked over the deep

I know You can heal her

I’ll walk over many miles

Just to ask of You

To come home with me

You gave this child to me

Don’t make me set her free

I want to see Your power

Make all of them believe

I know You can heal her

I know You can move the seas

You’ve done this before

Lord show me much more

I know You can heal her

This other You’ve stopped to save

And now I fear it’s too late

You chose to stop moving

Took time to search for her

Lord what were You doing

God please come and heal her

Despite death, I still believe

You parted the sea

Now please fight for me

I know You can heal her

Whatever my friends say of me

I’d give up all, my everything

No one understands like You do, Lord

I believe, and that’s all I have

Nothing more

I know You can heal her