Just a Mother

Tonight’s post will be short and sweet, because caring for a 3 year old Fontan patient is intense. We started our very early morning at 4:45, and it has been pretty much nonstop. 

When we loaded Sunley in the car, we turned on the radio and “Speak to the Mountain” was playing followed by “Wait on You.” I could not have chosen two more fitting songs to prepare our hearts for this day. On the way, I thought about how surreal it was that somewhere her team of doctors were driving in for another day of work. For them, every day is their patients’ most important day. We arrived at the hospital around 6, and ran into Sunley’s surgeon, Dr Jeff Heinle (or J-Dawg as we call him) on the elevator. I gave him the best pep talk I could think of, and I’m sure it helped ;)

Handing her off to her team is always just really, really terrible. But we loved her anesthesiologist, Dr. Mossad, and his team — they made us feel very informed and very comfortable with the whole thing. During her surgery, someone put her bow and her hospital bracelet on her Minnie doll, which we discovered afterwards. What a sweet little thing to do that brought us some smiles. Don’t ever underestimate little personalized touches like this!

Surgery was from 7:20am until about 2pm, which was Sunley’s fasted surgery so far!

Dr Heinle did a non-fenestrated Fontan, and it went very smoothly. Sunley was on bypass for 53 minutes, and her team described the surgery as “uneventful,” which is exactly what we wanted.

I can’t even begin to tell you the comfort we felt scrolling through social media and just seeing a sea of yellow t-shirts. It was truly overwhelming, and more comforting than I can ever describe. I knew we would be well supported the day we got her diagnosis four years ago, but to see it physically like this is just unbelievable. When it’s not t-shirts, it’s bikers, or gift cards, prayer services at churches we’ve never visited, a sweet text, a hello from a familiar nurse, a prayer said behind closed doors — every little act brings us peace and hope through the Father.

Sunley was extubated right after surgery, and as of 8 pm tonight, she is already down to 2L of oxygen on the nasal cannula. Amazing. She is in quite a bit of pain when she wakes up, and every time she wakes up, she tries to get out of bed. We’re keeping her pretty still for tonight, but her doctors hope to have her walking in the morning. We know that will be really rough, and as much as my inner momma bear wants to tell everyone to leave her alone and let her sleep, I know that getting up and around quickly will be best for her recovery.

The kids facetimed with me tonight, and even though she was half asleep, when Sunley heard her brother’s voice, she yelled out, “Ruger!” It was the sweetest thing, so they got to talk for just a little bit until Sunley started hurting again.

We are so impressed with the staff here, as always. It’s amazing to me how many people remember Sunley, considering how many patients they have over the years! It really speaks to their compassion and their dedication to do good work here. Sunley is very loved, and that makes her parents feel very loved.

I have already started decorating her room, although we hope to move out of ICU in just a couple days. Having a sweet, happy space is the only way I know how to help Sunley, so decorating is usually one of the top priorities. I wrote this sometime last year, feeling all of the frustration of not being able to do more for our little one:

I wish I was an artist

So my feelings I could paint

When I watch my children suffer

And all I can do is wait

I wish I was a doctor

So I could understand the words

They use to justify the wounds, the pain, and all the hurts

I wish I was a funny clown

I'd always make you smile

Even in the hardest journeys

With never-ending miles

I wish I was a dragon

With a cunning mouth of fire

I'd fly you far away from here

To wherever your heart desired

I wish I was a scientist

Who fixed all the broken things

You never would have worn the scars

Or had a single scary dream

I wish I was the tallest tree

Up which you'd come to hide

We'd spend the day with yellow birds

And never go inside

I wish I was an angel

I'd whisper sillies in your ear

I'd guide the hands of surgeons

And show your eyes that God is near

But here I sit, just your mother

Wishing there was more that I could do

I'll say it more than you can stand

A thousand I love you's

Just your artist mother

Hang some decorations

Just your doctor mother

Gather information

Just your funny mother

Sing some silly songs

Just your dragon mother

Tell the doctors when they're wrong

Just your science mother

Fundraise to find a cure

Just your tree branch mother

Make you feel secure

Just your angel mother

That's the easiest to be

Cause when all is lost and stripped away

God is just so clear to me

{ Time to move mountains, sweet girl }