First of all, thank you everyone who has signed up to host a lemonade stand next summer! If you haven’t yet signed up, no worries — the deadline is not until early spring. I’m working on lots of things behind the scenes, and will soon have ways to donate and contribute to the fundraiser.

We have a tentative Fontan date! April 19, 2022 is our penciled-in date for Sunley’s next (third) open heart surgery. I will post more details about the procedure when it gets closer, but for those of you who are familiar with it all, we are expecting a non-fenestrated Fontan, which means that we are also hoping for pretty high saturations.

Sunley’s Cath procedure she had on August 11th seems to have benefited her. The saturation numbers still get low when she’s playing (not quite AS low), but clinically she looks much better and has more energy and less cyanosis! The high numbers we saw right after her cath (89-90) unfortunately did not hold like the doctors expected (can they please just stop making these optimistic predictions?!). But overall, I’m glad we did the procedure, as it definitely bought her more time before the Fontan. We have our next big checkup in Houston in January, where we will reevaluate the plan.

In the meantime, we’ve been a bit “hunkered down” again, surviving and trying to avoid this new surge of COVID and RSV going around. I find myself wondering if there will ever be an “after COVID,” and I know I’m not the only one feeling desperate, and even blood-boiling angry at times. But I remember the last time I felt this desperate, right after being hit with the longevity of Sunley’s incurable diagnosis. I really thought our lives would forever be “less than” from then on — and I was SO wrong.

We met some new friends recently, and they asked me how we are even getting through all of this. I told them very simply that I think more about heaven than I do about here.

There is a HUGE difference in my mental state, in my mothering, in my prayer life when I am thinking more about this life than the next. We are designed by God to crave things that we will only receive in heaven. We are not supposed to be satisfied here. And yet, I sometimes make myself miserable trying to fill up while I’m still HERE.

If you have spent the entire pandemic just trying to force-steer things back to normal, may I humbly (because I’ve force-steered sometimes too) suggest that you slow down, and let God and this pandemic take some things away? If, for you, nothing good has come out of this pandemic yet, then I think you may have missed a great opportunity. And I’m speaking from experience, because I have definitely found myself pushing back at times. What if my kids never get to (fill in the blank) again? What if, What if, What if…

Most of those questions can be answered with a simple “Then God will fill in the gaps.”

Go ahead and give up “normal” — traditions, plans, vacations, maybe even some “important” social activities; Give it up. Let Him take things away. Don’t force the “normal” into your life based off of the fear of something new. I have quickly realized that trying to force my plans into this pandemic only creates more chaos, both tangibly and emotionally. Our family has lost during the pandemic. But we have also gained. And just like with Sunley and her never-ending heart journey: Our hope is not in the outcome, but in the One who provides hope. Slow down, give in, and let God WORK. We might be closer to heaven than we think.