We have been home for nearly 2 weeks now! About 10 days or so before we left, I had a really out-of-the-blue opportunity to speak with Lauren Simonetti from Fox News on her podcast, “We’re Momming Today” about the nonprofit and about Sunley’s story (Link here, if you’d like to listen). Trying to condense my thoughts into 20 minutes was hard for me (if you know me then you know I can talk forever), but the whole experience was amazing. The fact that a New York reporter from Fox News would take the time to do that with me just absolutely blew my mind. I’m a stay at home, homeschooling mom of four — I do not have time to start a nonprofit, but I did it because I just knew I needed to lay some groundwork for God to do what He wants to do with this. And already, look what has happened! We have over 30 lemonade stands going up in 13 states now, we’ve sold hundreds of t-shirts and raised thousands of dollars to support a clinic that didn’t even exist 5 years ago. When will I stop forgetting to just let God take the lead? When amazing things like this happen, it makes me wonder how in the world I ever fall into old patterns of control and frustration. But we all do it. Thank goodness for fresh starts.

The end of our time in Houston was MISERABLE. Shortly after my last blog post, Davis (our 21 month old little girl) came down with a really terrible stomach bug, and it very slowly spread throughout all of us. We were in a small apartment with six people, very few towels, and a dryer that barely worked. This stomach bug felt so unfair. But we know about unfair, and it doesn’t really matter when something isn’t fair, does it? You either stomp your feet and make it worse, or you roll with the punches. The entire last week in Houston was spent cleaning vomit and wondering who was next. At one point, we had 3 kids all puking at once, 2 in the bathroom and one in the closet onto a towel. Sorry for the visual, but trust me, I’m sparing the worst details. It was also very scary when Sunley got it, because trying to keep her hydrated while dealing with a stomach bug, diuretics, and a fluid restriction seemed very daunting. Fortunately, while her symptoms were intense, they were also short lived so we were able to keep her hydrated enough to stay out of the hospital!

Before we came home, I took a few boxes to the post office to ship home, and had yet another not-so-coincidental encounter that left me resting in the comfort of Jesus. While I was getting my boxes ready to ship, a woman walked in to the post office with a very happy, loud, and warm greeting to the man working there. She noticed that I was shipping loads of toys (gifts our kids had received while in Houston), and struck up a conversation about shipping gifts to her grandkids. I learned that she is a cancer survivor, a Christian, and just an overall incredibly encouraging human all within the first few minutes of speaking with her. After a little conversation, I shared just a piece of Sunley’s story. By the end of the conversation, this woman informed me that she has a condo near MD Anderson and Texas Children’s, and is always looking for people who need a free place to stay (she lives elsewhere, and this condo sits empty most days). She insisted that we could use it anytime we need to be in Houston for medical stuff, which was incredible. Some of our heart buddies may actually use it when they go for their Fontan soon. But on top of all of that, this woman poured into me encouragement that only a warrior can. She has somehow turned her wounds of battle into the ultimate weapons, and has figured out how to share those weapons with anyone fighting similar battles. We exchanged contact info (and we’ve kept in touch), and I left that conversation wondering if I had just met an incredible human or an angel. In my experience, many cancer survivors are like that — just absolute sunshine and warmth and strength. And I left also knowing that God was glorified in our “random” connection. After such a hard week of sickness and stress, and not getting to see or visit with so many people that we would have loved to see and hug, it was wonderful to end our trip with a moment like that.

Our trip home was smooth, and we returned to a house full of meals, groceries, and SO many balloons, with a beautiful welcome sign in the front yard! We are so happy to be HOME, and ready to settle in. We only moved into this house a few weeks before we left for Houston, so it really is a fresh start for us. We have lived in some sort of temporary housing situation for over four years, and this house was our 8th move since getting married in 2011. We moved three times before Sunley was born. When we got Sunley’s diagnosis, we rented out our home and moved in with my parents. Then we moved to Houston for nearly a year when she was born, staying in and out of the hospital (mostly out, but still nearby). After that, we moved back to Midland next door to my parents, and immediately started looking for a home in Oklahoma. After several offers falling through, we decided to build on land, and moved into a rental home near the build. And now, finally, we are home. For good…and always ready to move again if God has other plans. A house is just a house, but the peace of finally being able to settle in is not taken for granted around here.

As far as her health goes, Sunley is definitely her spunky self again. She is off of sternal precautions now, and although she gets sore from time to time, her strength is coming back. Seeing her run without getting blue or out of breath takes mine away. Sunley proudly shows off her scars and her muscles, and that makes me really happy to see her dealing with it so well. She is still having leg cramps, and will randomly say “I’m not feeling any good,” but keep in mind she is still on several medications and a fluid restriction. I am hopeful that those things will resolve with time. Sunley’s next check up is at the end of this month in Houston, so we’ll see how everything is holding up!

Our family is so well cared-for, and many have asked us how we are doing, meaning Derek and I specifically. I just have no idea how to answer that. I mean, we’re doing great — relieved to be home, getting into a routine, GRATEFUL, etc. But what we’ve done over the last four years was really hard. And it was really sad. I would do it all over again, because the depth and joy it brought to our lives could not have existed any other way. I am so happy the Fontan is over. And I am also really sad that from here on out, the game plan is wait and see. I’m sad that no one can actually heal her heart condition. I’m sad that she will always be on medication. I’m thrilled that she can live a relatively normal life, and do everything she sets her mind to. I’m so happy to be a heart mom. I’m so proud of my kids, ALL of them. I’m so angry that no one can give Sunley perfect health. I’m disappointed that no one can tell me exactly what to expect for a prognosis, and no one can make me anything more than a “hopeful speculation,” when what I want is a positive guarantee. I feel guilty that I’m not satisfied with hopeful speculations, when I know many heart families who don’t get even that.

I’ve learned that we can feel completely opposite emotions at once, and I’ve learned that feeling those at the same time creates weight. Not bad, not good, just weight.

I am happy to be home. Thank goodness for fresh starts.